I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
