she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
