It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
