I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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