Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
