Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
