While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
