No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
