I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
