There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
