just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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