This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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