I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
