Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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