i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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