Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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