Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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