Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
