I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
