I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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