As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
