I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
this just has baby written all over it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
