If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I wish there were birth control emojis
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
