he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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