Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
