forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
