4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
