Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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