i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
