whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
