Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I will pee on everything he values.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize