there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
