angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
