If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
