You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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