his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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