don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
