Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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