Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
