I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We left an ass print on the piano.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
