it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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