I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
