do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
