When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And then my night got REAL pukey
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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