it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
