i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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