I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
