Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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