are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
