Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
