singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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