If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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