My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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