Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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