so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
