so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
