I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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