there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
organizing the empties. That sober.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
