you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
