Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Do vagina's smell?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I believe in your delicious
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
