so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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