You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
