never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
