So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
there's paper in my vomit.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
