I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
last night I used snow as a chaser
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