Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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