What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
