That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
