I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
